Who'd be a kindergarten teacher!

Two degrees at 8:30am, the coldest morning of this winter so far. Overcast and threatening some sort of precipitation.

Love children? Try this.

Eighty under-6s, the majority under 4, and some still with dummies and comforters.

Eighty butts on the loo.

Eighty jackets on. Eighty scarfs and hats securely in place.

Eighty hopping, jumping, punching, chattering sprogs in line by twos...

And out the backdoor. Through the garden and into the street.

"Stay close to the wall, Arturo! Maria! Carlotta!"

Down the street past doting grandmothers. Past garden watchdogs. Past roadworks diggers.

"Hurry up, Giuliano! Anna! Marisa!"

Across the car park, down the backstreets.

"Look out! Here comes a car!"

Into the school theatre. Christmas tree, decorations, fake gifts in glittery boxes, magnets for little hands, soon footballs for little feet.

Deep breath.

Eighty jackets off. Scarves, hats ditto. Eighty excited little bodies onstage under the lights. Jumping, hopping, chattering, cuddling, arguing, shoving, tongues out, hair pulled. Two over-excited little bodies crying for Mama. A school for card sharps swaps Gormiti cards behind the flats. The curtains aren't working. The music's too loud. The school caretaker is growling incomprehensible dialect.

"Cantate! Forte! Sing! And sing loud!"

"We can't hear you, and if Babbo Natale can't hear you he won't know where to come..."

"Maestra...I need to go to the loo!" "Me too!" "Me too!"

Turkish toilets. How charming. Any one of these under-6s seen one of these before? Didn't think so...Okay, ragazzi think Brussels boy, ragazze just hover (as my mother used to say)...

"Again from the top, wake up! Wake up!"

Lunchtime. Deep breath.

Eighty under-6s looking for their coats, hats and scarves, only a quarter of which are labelled. Help me, maestra, help me! Help me first, maestra, help me first!" No, no Anna has Carlotta's hat and Arturo has Emilia's cardi. Elisabetta has no coat, and Oswaldo's is on upside down.

Eighty under-6s diverted from their task by theatre-style swing-seats - squeak...bump! squeak...bump! Eighty under-6s finally cajoled into lines and pointed in the direction of the kindergarten and food.

"Andiamo, tutti!"

Through the underground car park eighty under-6 voices take up a special tune:

"We wish you a merry Christmas,
We wish you a merry Christmas,
We wish you a merry Christmas,
And a happy new year..."

And the maestra d'inglese smiles a smile big enough for eighty under-6s. She thinks to herself that even if the English Christmas Song is a disaster at this afternoon's Festa di Natale in front of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, childminders and important school officials, even if she ends up wanting to shrivel up and disappear into a hole in the ground, this moment of 'spontaneous language production' has made it all worthwhile...