In an idle moment about 15 billion years after He made the universe, God made Sasso Carmine. And God looked down on His creation and saw that it was pretty good - it would be quite a tourist attraction once they had painted, lost, found and then repainted the frescoes, and hauled themselves out of grinding poverty long enough to appreciate the view...
1,035 years later, God looked again and saw that something had gone wrong.
He was not pleased.
He wondered what in Heaven's name was going on, and what the Hell He was going to do about it.
One corner of the beautiful piazzetta he had designed on the back of a restaurant napkin sometime in 1200 AD was littered with oversize bags of trash. What started out as honest-to-God renovation refuse from His own priest's house had not been removed five months after it had been dumped there. Predictably, tourists and villagers alike had augmented the refuse heap. Dirty nappies, uneaten picnics, wine bottles ... and a surprisingly large pile of nasty notes from disgruntled tourists complaining about the mess. The Carmine cats had also gotten in on the act - dragging everything out, finding that it was not up to their usual standards of edibility and abandoning it for someone else to sweep up.
No-one wanted to take responsibility.
God shuffled His feet and glanced around at them.
The people cleared their throats and stared right back at Him.
So the Almighty took a leaf out of His own Book, and came to a villager in a dream. He told the man he must make arrangements for the arrival of His mighty Red Angel. To a second villager, God whispered that he was in dire need of very large quantities of building materials, and like Joseph the Dreamer, he must stock up right away, and not to take seven years about it. Next morning the two men staggered from their houses amazed, and proceeded to do the Lord's bidding.
And as it was foretold on the appointed day there came a great roaring out of the sky, and the Angel in Red appeared bearing a mighty cord and an even mightier hook. The people of the village looked out of their windows and were sore afraid, for the sacks were mighty close to the relatively-recently renovated eaves of God's house. But God guided the hand of the angel, and brought his wings close, but kept his beautiful church from destruction.
And as if by a miracle, the nasty white sacks, dirty nappies and all, swung into the sky and away, and the building materials appeared in their place. And all were most happy and rejoiced to see their little corner of paradise returned to neatness-and-tidiness.
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