Copyright © Louise Bostock 2007-2013. Please give credit where credit is due.

Monday, 29 September 2008

Mama's kinder surprise

Fourteen degrees at 9am this Monday morning. Overcast and humid. No wind. At all.


Mama is at the end of her tether.

It's time to take action.

Time to take the war onto the streets, to draw a line and stand firm.

I'm today banning Kinder Sorpresa chocolate eggs. Friends and relatives, I love you all, and am always grateful for your kindness to my children. But please resist the urge to buy these particular treats and give them to my two little angels. Please shop-keepers all, put them on the highest shelf.

And I'll tell you why.

AJ (almost 4) and B (2) can spot the bright red-and-white packaging from 300m. It's one of those life-skills they developed - along with breathing - at the moment of parturition.

They push and shove each other to get to them. They snatch and grab. They slash and burn. They take no prisoners.

They expertly peel off the foil and devour the chocolate egg. But when the chocolate is gone ... that's when the trouble really starts.

My two cherubs scream because they can't get the plastic capsule inside open.

Then they scream because they don't know how to put together the little plastic widget inside.

They whine because I'm too slow in deciphering the sub-linguistic instructions and assembling that little plastic widget for them.

They stamp their pretty little feet and go into a corner to sulk because I can't positively identify the little plastic widget or tell them what it's for.

Then they fight like tiger-cubs, rolling on the ground, biting each other. Half-nelsons, full-nelsons, Chinese burns, hair pulling, eye-jabbing, scratching, finger-stamping. Basically, they do their best to mutilate and murder one another...Over two unidentifiable bits of coloured plastic.

While Mama's blood pressure hovers in the red like a Hollywood nuclear reactor going for meltdown, and no Sean Connery to save me.

So, no more. Dear friends and relatives please take note. KS chocolate eggs will be confiscated at source. The damned plastic widget will be extracted and consigned to the recycling, the chocolate removed to another place. Later, it will be consumed under the covers by torchlight in the obscurity of the Carmine night.

By Mama.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, thats they way to do it. Don't put up with this rubbish, give 'em a bit of Cadburys as a treat. Great grandma was all in favour of a bit of chocolate, afterall it was issued to RAF aircrew, can you imaqine them fighting over these stupid bits of plastic junk.

Vaessa said...

I'm amazed that in this day and age there are reputable companies who still peddle such rubbish. Think of the environment, for God's sake!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Vaessa. The companies who make this rubbish should be ashamed of themselves, and the retailers who put this plastic junk at the eye level of children in their shops should think about what they are doing instead taking advantage of hard pressed mums.

Monday, 29 September 2008

Mama's kinder surprise

Fourteen degrees at 9am this Monday morning. Overcast and humid. No wind. At all.


Mama is at the end of her tether.

It's time to take action.

Time to take the war onto the streets, to draw a line and stand firm.

I'm today banning Kinder Sorpresa chocolate eggs. Friends and relatives, I love you all, and am always grateful for your kindness to my children. But please resist the urge to buy these particular treats and give them to my two little angels. Please shop-keepers all, put them on the highest shelf.

And I'll tell you why.

AJ (almost 4) and B (2) can spot the bright red-and-white packaging from 300m. It's one of those life-skills they developed - along with breathing - at the moment of parturition.

They push and shove each other to get to them. They snatch and grab. They slash and burn. They take no prisoners.

They expertly peel off the foil and devour the chocolate egg. But when the chocolate is gone ... that's when the trouble really starts.

My two cherubs scream because they can't get the plastic capsule inside open.

Then they scream because they don't know how to put together the little plastic widget inside.

They whine because I'm too slow in deciphering the sub-linguistic instructions and assembling that little plastic widget for them.

They stamp their pretty little feet and go into a corner to sulk because I can't positively identify the little plastic widget or tell them what it's for.

Then they fight like tiger-cubs, rolling on the ground, biting each other. Half-nelsons, full-nelsons, Chinese burns, hair pulling, eye-jabbing, scratching, finger-stamping. Basically, they do their best to mutilate and murder one another...Over two unidentifiable bits of coloured plastic.

While Mama's blood pressure hovers in the red like a Hollywood nuclear reactor going for meltdown, and no Sean Connery to save me.

So, no more. Dear friends and relatives please take note. KS chocolate eggs will be confiscated at source. The damned plastic widget will be extracted and consigned to the recycling, the chocolate removed to another place. Later, it will be consumed under the covers by torchlight in the obscurity of the Carmine night.

By Mama.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, thats they way to do it. Don't put up with this rubbish, give 'em a bit of Cadburys as a treat. Great grandma was all in favour of a bit of chocolate, afterall it was issued to RAF aircrew, can you imaqine them fighting over these stupid bits of plastic junk.

Vaessa said...

I'm amazed that in this day and age there are reputable companies who still peddle such rubbish. Think of the environment, for God's sake!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Vaessa. The companies who make this rubbish should be ashamed of themselves, and the retailers who put this plastic junk at the eye level of children in their shops should think about what they are doing instead taking advantage of hard pressed mums.